I often start discussions with friends by saying "What is wrong with Mormon boys?" These discussions often lead to further head scratching and general dismay in the dating department, but they are therapeutic to have anyway.
Last week I ran into someone I haven't seen in awhile, let's call him Collin (because most of my silly romantic notions come from a Collin Firth movie). So Collin and I chatted up a bit and he mentioned that we should get together and do such-and-such this week. I was a fan, mostly because I've always been intrigued by Collin and because, hey, it's spring break so why not? It was only after the activity was fully underway that I remembered, while I am interested in Collin, I very much hate Mormon dating. I left the evening wondering if it was a date at all, and as my wonderful roommate pointed out, if you have to guess the answer is no. Boy's shouldn't be allowed to blur the lines between dating and not and if he wants to date then he should make it clear. So on behalf of Collin and I, I present the great date debate:
Facts that point to a date:
-He planned an event
-He paid
-He suggested more activities after the initial activity was over
-He made dinner
-We spent 11 hours together, which he said was "really fun"
-He remembered inconsequential details about me that I told him 2+ years ago
Facts for Not a Date
-He talked about some 24 year old who "is probably too young, but is there as an option" and other odd dating comments
-He regularly checked his email and facebook on his phone
-Never actually used the word date
The evening ended with a hug, a "that was really fun," and a "drive safe." He stood in the driveway and watched me head down the street.
Here's the thing, I like Collin, I would like to get to know him better, I think he is a genuinely wonderful person. But I don't want to invest in something that isn't real. So, my 10 dear readers, I ask you, date or not a date?
Humm...I'll think about this and get back back to you
ReplyDeletetough call ... but I'm going to say that if he talked about at least one other girl, and was playing on his phone then it wasn't an ACTUAL date ... I do think it could have been a "pre-date" kind of like testing the water to see if he wants to ask you out on an official date hehe
ReplyDeleteI asked Ammon for his opinion and he thinks not date, mostly because of the phone stuff but does admit that some people do just constantly play on their phone because that's just who they are. His advice was "it's better to just ask than to always wonder" so he thinks you should ask him.
Mormon date! This is the worst thing, I hate it. And you always think if you just play it cool long enough then it will work to your advantage but I'm not sure what the best course of action actually is. According to Jordan's guy advice over the years, guys don't actually hang out with girls they don't somewhat like....so that's good, but i don't think the talking about other girls things is good sign, but it's just that you're the worlds best "best friend" and so witty and fun to talk to that i think guys love that so much they just claim you as their best friend and talk about everything to you, so for you, that might not count as bad. Hmmm...maybe i should just email you, this rambling is getting long. :)
ReplyDeleteNot a Date! He didn't ask. He invited.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it's not a bad sign. Most Mormon guys will like to have one-on-one conversations (which are not dates) just to get face time with someone that's interesting to further determine if a formal "asked out" date is worth it. A lot of Mormon guys however don't make it past the face-time stage and linger in the "hangout" zone and never score the "ask out" points with girls.
As some of the others have stated there are levels to relationships, and dear Collin is still in the beginning levels. If he ever makes an effort to advance to the dating level, be sure he doesn't do anymore Not a Date signals.
If you're interested in him moving from a lot of facetime (which doesn't seem to be the current status) to datetime, then with your clever wit and guile drop the hint that facetime is only available with datetime. Elder Oakes is totally right on that one. :-)